Response to Fellow Blogger Comment on, "Why We Remain in Relationships that Seem to Drain Us Dry"

In response to your comment, I feel like this is deja vu. Relationships are always works in progress, and so is the fear of betrayal, abandonment, and every wrongs you attempt to avoid in this life. You definitely seem to possess qualities that I typically search for in my relationships. Essentially, I felt like I was the one who needed that extra bit of emotional support, but at the same time felt such support was irrelevant. I typically felt as though I needed to pay back individuals for their efforts with me in order to avoid owing them, which resulted in my extremely minute social network even as we speak. Basically, whenever I enter a relationship, I commence planning my exit strategy but will never leave the person worse than I found them. Pretty screwed up, huh? I have definitely been in relationships where due to my own dysfunctionality, I treated my partner with little regards at times. In most cases that I can recall, it was not necessarily a fact that I intended any hurt. However, I never felt as though I had much support growing up, and I never learned to expect any. So, whenever individuals commence showing support, I become scared because most of those who did in my life, needed something in return. I now know that I do what I do for fear of abandonment, but nevertheless, those behaviors are not the easiest to treat without some serious "mojo" - psychiatric or otherwise. Irrespective of my sordid behaviors, I eventually learned how to apologize and acknowledge my inappropriate behaviors in order to seek forgiveness and be at peace with the universe. I am not saying I am completely at peace - obtaining contentment can be a struggle. Amazingly, I still do not know whether I love or obsess when it is time for a relationship to be dissolved. Actually, as dysfunctional as it may sound, I believe it to be the latter. I have always known how to show compassion, but love is so much different from that. I have now learned how to apologize when I am wrong, granted of course that I am treated humanely. I do care about having relationships with individuals with your qualities---I call them the caregivers because they help to protect one as much as possible from the world. This is in a very respected manner of course. It is easy to love a wounded animal, which explains why I am more taken to individuals in hurt than those who are happy. After all, our past can majorly shape our future without much deviation from our upbringing. Eventually we come to realize that we all are provided a miracle through someone who is patient enough to lick our wounds and assists us in healing from injuries received in this life. We are not going to be able to heal every wounded heart, or be ourselves healed by one particular individual. Our lives are such that it takes a little bit of every experiences encountered to jump start and make better, the hurt inflicted by others and ourselves. Patience is a gift of luxury that many do not possess, and for those who possess this quality, their marks are left upon the world in an overwhelmingly positive manner. We help and are helped by every encounters and experiences in this life even though we may not be able to recognize those benefits at first. Negative experiences cause us to close our eves to the positive outcomes that result from those experiences. I guess that is why we stick around when it makes no sense to anyone else. It always makes perfect sense to us.

Relationships

It is quite amazing that many individuals who are in a relationship continue to be attached to individuals that they do not love. Why do you think this is so? Is it because people are afraid of change or they are just comfortable being miserable? Whatever the case might be (love, lust, economic or financial hardship, or other), we all engage in this type of behavior at some point in our lives for one reason or another. Sound off, or consider this while you continue to surf.

Domestic Abuse

DOMESTIC ABUSE IS NEVER EXCUSABLE. IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, SEEK HELP. PEOPLE RARELY CHANGE WHEN THEIR MALADAPTIVE BEHAVIORS ARE ACCEPTED AS NORMAL.